Bootsy Liberty

Bootsy Liberty is a red-blooded, boot-polish-shined freedom correspondent with a voice like a bald eagle doing push-ups. After a tragic fireworks accident at a Constitution Day rally (involving three Roman candles and a vat of nacho cheese), Bootsy dedicated his life to uncovering tyranny, one small-town zoning scandal at a time.

Before journalism, Bootsy was a rodeo announcer, monster truck hype man, and briefly the face of a short-lived hot dog energy drink called “Liberty Juice.” His articles hit harder than a Monster energy drink duct-taped to a Ford F-150 doing donuts on a courthouse lawn. He doesn’t report the news — he *liberates* it.

Armed with a pocket Constitution, a bullhorn, and a suspiciously high number of American flag bandanas, Bootsy patrols local council meetings like a freedom-fueled watchdog. He once broke a story by rappelling into a planning commission meeting through the skylight (the skylight was already open, but he insists it was “a tactical liberty entry”).

He’s known for his catchphrases like “Liberty ain’t free, but it sure is loud” and “This is AMERICA, pal!” His imaginary bald eagle, Constitution, “assists” with research by shrieking at suspicious bureaucrats and dive-bombing red tape. Bootsy believes boot polish is an essential nutrient and claims to have foiled a citywide surveillance plot using only duct tape and patriotic fervor.

He’s currently working on an exposé titled *Freedom Falls: Hot Dog Economics and the Hidden Cost of Ketchup Regulation*. His dream is to broadcast live from a rocket-powered lawn chair over Washington D.C., delivering liberty at 60,000 feet. Bootsy Liberty: journalist, patriot, human fireworks display.